The Kitchen Chronicles

May 27

Day One: an attempt to feed myself on one trip to the grocery store

Cliff notes version: Not going so well.

1. The fire alarm must be a teenage girl: it is uber sensitive and has gone off three times in my last 30 minutes of cooking. This has resulted in me quickly diving into the oven to grab pans, barely escaping the singe of the heating element. The broccoli has been in there for a while unsupervised because I’m to scared to open the door.

2. In an attempt to stop the teenage cries of the alarm I opened the porch door and am now in hot pursuit of one uninvited fly. (Oh spotted another. TWO uninvited flies).

3. The oven on the other hand appears to be way below temperature, leaving me under-concerned for the well-being of the broccoli.

4. I bought two pounds of tilapia thinking “healthy! easy!” and have quickly discovered it tastes like… well… nothing. But according to all the fancy food blogs out there its a great canvas. Which in my case means it will continue to taste like almost nothing even if I give it my best go with my measly assortment of spices

(Checked the broccoli, if you were concerned, it is doing just fine.)

5. My family is famous for yummy asparagus, an asparagus I have made many a time, an asparagus I have been complimented for a handful of times, and an asparagus I have just managed to ruin. It is as if the kitchen has sucked all of the Sykes-Sparr cooking genes out of me.

Overdramatic? Yes.

Realistic? Actually yes.

The end of the world? Absolutely not.I’m thankful to have food to mess up and a kitchen to gripe about. I’ve got lunch and dinner for the next couple days prepped pretty well.

Send me your recipes and I’ll see if me and my kitchen can learn to love each other with practice